is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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