i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
