did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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