Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
