How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize