i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
