Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
