Got a toothbrush?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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