I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
