I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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