i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
