I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
