she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize