Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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