the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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