You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
