oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
