It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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