I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
