jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
