She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
