On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
