Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize