I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
