You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
