I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize