Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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