I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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