Four minutes until I can fart!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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