You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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