i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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