so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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