Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
