singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
