Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
