# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
