Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
