Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
