I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
