even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
