he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
