i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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