you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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