I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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