So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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