dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
