don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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