I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just had sex on a roof
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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