Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
