I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A bitchslap is in order.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize