My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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