So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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