Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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