So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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