it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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