I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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