I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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